Oh god we’re back again with more crapisodes of Wicked Tuna: North vs South. Look how excited I am about having to watch another hour of people yelling and catching big fish. You can’t actually look because I’m behind a computer screen, but I’m feigning intense excitement. Trust me on this.
This episode, first of all, is missing an apostrophe in the episode title, but I guess probably no one watching the show seriously noticed or cared. I cared, because I’m pedantic as hell.
Grammar: How Does It Work?
We’re on day 7 of this hot dumpster fire of a reality show, and the narrator alerts us that Fishin’ Frenzy is in the lead with 4 fish. Hooray! I don’t care.
If you’re wondering if I’m being melodramatic about how boring this show is, the Captain of the Fishing Frenzy just said, “We’ve heard reports that it’s going to get windy later, so we’re heading out early to cross the inlet before it gets rough.” This is the exciting and dramatic foreshadowing this show has. Guhhhhh. I think this is the boat where the insane guy shot at the water. Oh yeah, it definitely has the whooping, hollering, crazy Southern dude trope going on. See exhibit A:
chillax bro r u serius
Over on Stonerboat, there’s some general grousing about how they haven’t caught anything, and some just-rolled-out-of-bed looks going on. They go through the INLET OF DEATH APPARENTLY and some dramatic music happens and they hit waves that Tyler describes as “gnar-gnar.” Dave Marciano almost fails at actually steering his boat through the DEATH INLET.
One of the Southern boats, I think Camoboat, reels two fish at once. I know this because Boomhauer tells me.
wut.
At nearly 12 minutes into the episode, the boat highest on the leaderboard by several thousand dollars yells “we need this fish!” Oh my god, seriously? You literally caught all the fish. How do you need more? Stop. Enough. they end up having no fish. Pretty much no one in this episode is catching fish. Damn, you guys suck at your jobs this week.
One of the captains is all “This is one of the most stressful times of my life!” Really? Really? Dude I assure you there are many more stressful things in life than fishing. I know a lot of money goes into it, but damn that’s some melodrama.
And then they drop “don’t be a pussy.” Really? Ugh, this show. I literally have to drink a beer to get through it. They catch a fish. It’s “buttery.” Wut.
Dave Marciano and the other Gloucester boats stay out in a gale overnight. “We do this all the time in Glosta, but this isn’t Glosta!” and so on. They apparently all survive, but then CamoBoat has issues with waves and almost dying.
I see nothing!
It actually does appear to be quite crappy weather. I get a little seasick just watching the Hard Merchandise, which looks like it’s made out of scrap lumber in the first place, pitch violently in the water. It doesn’t look like they’re wearing life jackets either, which makes my inner momvoice so angry. WHY DO YOU DO THIS I DONT CARE IF IT RESTRICTS YOUR MOVEMENT. You know what else restricts your movement? Being dead. Do they really not wear them? They should wear them. I wear one kayaking in knee-deep water in Plum Cove. Shut up, I like to be safe.
Dave and his wingman Jason reel a fish. I like Jason, because he talks like he is CONSTANTLY USING CAPS LOCK. His voice must hurt every night. I don’t think he’s ever not yelled a line of dialogue in this entire series. He’s intense, I like his style. You turn it up to 11, don’t let anyone stop you!
Anyway they catch the fish, the Pinwheel catches a fish, then the Hot Tuna catches one as well. Speaking of Hot Tuna, is anyone going to have an intervention re: TJ’s hair?
Don’t hog all the hair in town, save some for the rest of us.
Anyway the episode ends there after everybody from Gloucester makes money. Nobody even wrecks their boat like the trailer led me to believe. Ugh, false advertising.
There you go, now you don’t have to watch it. Or watch and laugh along with me. Until next time, I’m out!