Frozen Clams- Vacation Week

It’s Vacation week here in Gloucester which means looking after small children while trying to do the paid gigs also while trying to keep the atoms in our genitals from becoming a Bose Einstein condensate (look it up).

Colder than Ayn Rand’s liveread of “The Giving Tree”

So we’re on a limited “when we can” posting schedule and we’re going to try and keep you updated on the funny but also some of the useful as well. One of the things we’ve noticed these past few storms how TERRIBLE the communication centralization has been. The communication itself has actually been very good, all the department heads and the Mayor have been getting the word out, but on every conceivable platform and nowhere all at once. People hear different news at different times, then post it. School closings get to the TV but not to any kind of email or text for hours later.

There have been seemingly random phone calls through the “code red” system, emails, tweets, postings on Facebook and for reasons no one seems to be able to explain The Bridge Cape Ann- which as far as I know is an all-pay advertising site- has become the best source for up-to-date news on snow removal and messages from the police chief. Why is this? Why isn’t this the job of the actual newspaper that has an actual news website? Or the city’s website? Why are people flocking to the Mayor’s personal Facebook page to tell her about missed oil deliveries? Because 21st century I guess.  It is, however, extremely frustrating.

https://www.bridgecapeann.com/

Seriously- this guy is the best thing we have, and he’s running presumably for-pay contests in the middle of it. That’s fine, that’s his business, but is this really the best we can do as a public information source? Although, we should note his studio is amazing, it really looks just like some dude’s kitchen shot with a terrible in-display laptop camera. I’m guessing CGI.

But I want to stress HE IS THE BEST THING WE HAVE RIGHT NOW SO AN OFFICIAL HUZZAH TO YOU SIR!!!!

Since we’re doing the “info from everyplace” thing here are a few other tips from downtown Gloucester as I made my way to Clamedia Tower this morning:

• Center Street- the one that goes up to Middle from next to Passports. Yeah, that’s a one way. Even in the Subaru I needed to pile the coal into the boilers to get her enough steam to make it up, but of course dude in K-Car has to turn down it just as I’m 3/4 way up. That means either K-Car dude was going to have to back up, or me back all the way down and I have the all-wheel-drive. But the takeaway: There is no way for two cars to pass as of 8:45 this morning. I’m recommending don’t use it at all until it’s widened.
• Middle/Pleasant Street Parking Lot- Looks like it has been abandoned for future generations to uncover. It’s pretty much a glacier right now. Don’t expect to find parking there either unless you’re in a full-on SUV with some clearance and good tires.
• Main Street- left side has a few spaces. Right side none. You know what, don’t plan on parking there.
• Sidewalks- Seem to have been cleared downtown which is awesome. Still no chance beyond Flanagan’s Square, you’re in the road at that point, pedestrians.

Ok, I know everyone is saying “check your seniors” which is great and we’ve been doing that, but it’s crazy-ass cold out there and I know that heating systems are going to be pressed to the max. So I’m asking not just for people to check on others but for folks, senior or otherwise, who are feeling like they are getting uncomfortable or worried not to wait until the last minute to ask for help. Call now, email, reach out, call the cops at the non-emergency line at 978.283-1212 and they, we, whomever will get you sorted out. Got it?

As The Clam will continue to say until our tongue freezes into our mouth (probably around noon or so) we are only going to get through this together.

Again, as noted, unless ice zombies show up. Then you motherfuckers are on your own. But short of that, we’re all in this together.