I’m in Suburban New Jersey for a family thing and not being snarky is just going to happen.
Author: admin
Longform bit on The O’Maley 3D printers
Hey Clamistas, here is the longform bit I wrote for Good Morning Gloucester about the 3D printer build at O’Maley Innovation Middle School over the weekend.
http://goodmorninggloucester.wordpress.com/2014/10/09/omaley-3d-printer-make-a-thon-an-endurance-event-for-nerds/
The Gloucester Clam’s Tournament of Crappy Intersections: ROUND 2 APPEARS!
If you somehow missed the first round of the Tournament of Crappy Intersections, fear not! Here is round 2 in all its glory, for your voting pleasure. Each day, we’ll square one intersection off against another, until we have crowned THE SHITTIEST INTERSECTION IN GLOUCESTER.
Centennial/Washington vs. Tally’s Corner
Centennial/Washington handily took out its opponent, Barn Ln & Eastern Ave, in the first round. And that’s probably because Centennial/Washington is like stubbing your bare toe on rough concrete steps. It has danger at every turn. You know who sucks the worst? The fuckers parked on Washington in front of Tony’s Variety who just pull right out into traffic without looking at all. That helps this intersection be manageable, for sure. I thought literally like 7 years ago there was supposed to be a light going in at that corner, but instead we have random broken glass from every dipshit that drives straight into every other dipshit on a weekly basis. Why aren’t we setting up a camera here and getting rich off selling the traffic drama to Rob Dyrdeck?
Tally’s Corner was the obvious landslide winner over Essex/Western/Kent Circle. It was almost a bye round for The Corner of Doom. Oh, Tally’s Corner, you’re just a fucking hot mess, aren’t you? Are you a rotary? No, you’re not. But sometimes people from out of town sorta think you are. Boy, thank god we don’t have a thriving visitor economy. I would like to know what kind of mischievous turd was responsible for the planning of this intersection, so I can punch him or her square in the dong(ette). Tally’s also loves parking their giant trucks obstructing the sidewalk (in Gloucester, parking/driving rules only apply to transplants, duh), so now you have to deal with pedestrians also trying to navigate the fuckery within the circle. And Commercial Street. Lord, leaving the Fort is like fording the snake river with your oxen. No wonder its a close-knit community – it takes like an hour to leave.
[polldaddy poll=8361238]
Three Word Restaurant Reviews.
Our good friend and Clam supporter Hallie from Turtle Alley came up with a brilliant idea the other day. “I’d be good at writing three-word restaurant reviews,” she said. Turns out, she was absolutely correct. So we teamed up to gather some of the best three-word reviews we could muster for some of Gloucester’s eating establishments. Here’s a few examples:
Duckworth’s: Best in town!
Short & Main: Patrons from Hamilton
House of Mitch: Bad Life Choice
Dogbar: Tall People Beware
But we here at the Clam realized that we needed help. And that’s where you come in. Craft your own 3-word review of your favorite joints in town. Best ones get a Clam sticker and we’ll list ’em in a future post!
Leave ’em in the comments. Or don’t, see if I care.
KT’s Wicked Tuna Recap: North vs South, Episode 1
Aw jeez guys let’s pretend I missed the seafaring antics of our favorite Gloucester celebrities in the Wicked Tuna crew while waiting for North vs South to get to Hulu. If you’re a new follower to the blog, I do a recap of Wicked Tuna usually while drinking, and by the end of it I am usually yelling at my TV.
So here’s the premise: pretty much everyone but Dave Carraro’s Tuna.com (who made all the dollars) still needs cash, so they all go down to the Outer Banks to extend their fishing season. Look, we’ve got new boats! And there’s some perceived drama between the Gloucester fleet and the natives!
We start off with a boat full of Southerners with boats like the “Fishin’ Frenzy” saying stuff like “we’re jacked up and we’re goin’ fishin!” and “God willin’, we’ll put a fish on this deck!” Oh my god, this is going to be a long fucking season.
HOLD MY BEER AND WATCH THIS, Y’ALL!
The storyline starts off with some unintelligible conversation, and then the guy with the face up there starts LITERALLY SHOOTING THE FUCKING WATER. WITH A GUN. A CAMOUFLAGE GUN. This guy was like “Yes, National Geographic, I will most definitely appear on your reality show! But, within the first minutes of filming, you must let me shoot at the water.” I have a headache, I cannot deal with why this is happening.
TAKE THAT, OCEAN THAT PROVIDES MY LIVING.
Over on another boat, one of the captains is literally praying over the CB radio. I take a deep breath and finish my beer.
Wait, GUYS. GUYS. There’s a fishing spot down there called… wait for it…
THE JOKES WRITE THEMSELVES.
After some more horrifically boring introductions of boats I could give two shits about, the Hot Tuna appears, and all the boaters are just STUNNED. “Why’s he here?” I don’t know, did you ask the name of the show you are appearing on? Maybe the “Wicked Tuna” would have given it away? Did you notice there was a camera guy on your boat? I mean seriously, everyone is wearing camouflage so you literally may not have noticed.
Right behind him is the Haahd Merchandise. Dave isn’t smoking! Maybe he quit! He probably did not.
So it’s day one, and the Hot Tuna is the first to catch a fish, and I spend an interminable amount of time (that I’ll never get back, mind you) watching them try to spear this thing in its face. Next up is CamoBoat, who get two fish at once, and then explain to the camera for the next few minutes how getting two fish at once works.
Finally, GodBoat literally prays for fish, which I mean, I guess whatever floats your boat. I’m an atheist, so I would choose a more pragmatic plan of attack, but I guess praying is a pretty good alternate strategy. I guess it works, and they swear a lot, catch the fish, and then harpoon it violently. And then they drink moonshine.
I am serious.
All the boats drop their catches off, and TJ from the Hot Tuna exclaims, “were getting right back on the meat!” Meaning they’re going back to work immediately. I giggled, because I’m twelve.
Another Hard Merchandise scene, and Dave isn’t smoking yet. I’m getting a little concerned. They get a bite, and start immediately yelling “IT’S A TUNA! A TUNA!” Yes. It’s a tuna. You are a fisherman. This shouldn’t surprise you into screaming. Calm down, gosh.
Over on another boat, someone yells “WE NEED THIS FISH!” and I’m honestly surprised it’s taken 35 minutes to get to that line. I drink.
Finally, the episode ends, and I can get back to my regular life. Phew.