Author: admin

Well, Clamskteers, it’s Sunday. The day when your beloved Clam puts aside the snark and revels in all that is truly earnestly awesome. Usually these pieces come easy, but not today for a short list of reasons:

•  I can’t enjoy Fiesta today I have to go into Boston on a big project my company is working on. It happens every once in a while, and today’s one of those days. So I’m cranky.
•  I couldn’t go to the wind turbine thing yesterday because of pressing family logistics.
•  When I finally did get to Fiesta to fly the drone we were pestered by a small group of annoyed elderly people who claimed that the two and a half pound plastic quacopter was “not safe” and could potentially “carry a bomb” in a way somehow more sinister than other remote controlled technology or the several thousand pound boats being dubiously piloted all over the harbor. Meanwhile their grandsons and nephews were pinwheeling their skulls and torsos into a greased utility pole then spiraling down into the unforgiving sea. One guy had to be backboarded and zipped away. Pole 1, Drone 0.
• Then, at the train station, this guy:

[at the request of a family remember I removed the picture of the dude grogged out on the bench. Not because I believe we shouldn’t show it, but because it’s painful for them. So I’m just putting a picture of a kitty in here. Nice kitty.]

See? Much nicer

Oh man.  It’s Sunday. The day I’m supposed to throw my snark-guns into the dust.  So I’m gonna talk about committees.

Shit! Come back! Don’t just click away. Hear me out. Committees, dude. They make everything work. Seriously.

Do you know why there are flowers in public spaces? Fireworks? Parades? How City Hall got rebuilt? How all the school sports and plays and music and teams and extra curricular activities work? Because people sit on committees. Your lesser news outlets will always give you a “Differencemaker” story highlighting an individual whom they can wrap a three minute segment around, and sure there are plenty of those in Gloucester (looking at you, Maggie Rosa), but most of the stuff that really gets done is in fact the result of a bunch of people who met on Wednesday nights, ate coffeecake and hashed out details after taking the roll and reading the minutes of the last meeting.

You wanna know what is the result of a committee? Fiesta. Yes, everyone knows the story of Savatore Favazza who had the statue of St. Peter enshrined in the heart of the Italian district in 1927.  But you know who turned it into a three day event with all the celebrations, remembrances and activities? A committee of fisherman’s wives from down the Fort in 1931. A person has an idea and energy and passion. A committee makes shit happen.

All in favor of giving “Drunkie Smurf” the power of levitation say ‘Aye’

So I’m going to suggest that next year, before Fiesta on June 22 we give a nod to the patron saint of public service, Saint Thomas More. He’s also the patron saint of large families, stepparents and difficult marriages, so he’d be right at home here. He was (for his time) a humanist, statesman and a guy who dreamed of an island Utopia in the New Word (albeit with slavery and punishing premarital sex with lifetime enforced celibacy so that’s somewhat less ‘utopian’ than one would kind of hope for).

This guy. Looks like a lot of laughs, huh?

Also he was beheaded by Henry VIII so that would be cool thing to riff on. I’m picturing beach volleyball with a ball made up to look like his head or something. I don’t know.

I’ll get it in front of the committee and they’ll figure it out.

We’re back with another edition of KT’s Wicked Tuna Recap! If you’re not familiar with my recaps, I’m basically a person who knows nothing about fishing, so all I know is what I see on this show. Basically, a lot of yelling and reeling and dramatic music.

This episode starts off with another Gloucester-based boat taking on water at night and the Tuna.com closer to them than the Coast Guard. I’ll break from my usual sarcasm – that’s some scary ass shit. These guys are never wearing life jackets, it’s cold as hell, it’s pitch black out.

I’ll take the filet of horror with a side of shitting my pants.

Luckily, both waterlogged dudes get picked out of the water, so SNARK MODE ENGAGE, WE’RE BACK ON TRACK!

The next scene is shot at Zeke’s Delicious Breakfastorium, between Dave Marciano and one of the Stonerboat dudes.  I hope they order the coconut French toast because that ish is delish, or whatever the kids say. Stonerboat Captain has freshly shaven for this occasion (this is a lie). Apparently in an earlier episode that I did not watch, these two boats formed an alliance to catch more tuna somehow. My eyes just rolled out of my skull but I guess this is a reality show and that’s a thing you do on reality shows. Dave and Captain Probably Hungover decide that since they’re already losing money, they’re going to double or nothing and spend more money to go out to George’s Bank.

Good to see Dave diversifying his wardrobe.

Meanwhile, the Miss Sambvca is already over at George’s Bank. True fact: As a kid growing up in another coastal town, I thought George’s Bank was an actual bank like where my parents had their mortgage. It wasn’t until after the No-Name Storm (aka Perfect Storm) that I actually figured it out. Anywho, on the Sambvca everybody appears to be back in high spirits even though they’ve caught the tuna equivalent of an old tire and handful of pebbles this season.

Don’t care, still fabulous.

Back on the Tuna.com, Dave gets a call from the Coast Guard, and it turns out the captain of the Terra Nova did not survive. Now, in hindsight, I remember this happening last fall and holy shit, how fucking AWFUL. Really, I snark on this show, but these guys work hard and it is a dangerous way to feed your family. The most danger I face on a daily basis in my job is drunk people knocking over bikes. And losing part of your finger in a chain, but that’s about it.

Over on George’s Bank, there’s a weird boat three-way between the Hard Merchandise, Pinwheel, and Sambvca. Stonerboat hooks one, and we’re back on the thing where one of these scruffy-haired gentlemen yells BOOST! about six thousand times. In describing the fish, the captain says “we have mega rod bend,” which if you guessed was my high school nickname, you’d be right. There’s some minor technical difficulties in getting their winch to actually haul the fish up, and the Sambvca has to bail them out.  They flake out on the Hard Merchandise to bring their fish home/use the celebratory tuna bong, which is kind of a dick move on their part because George’s Bank is in the fuck-all middle of nowhere.

However, the Sambvca is out of bait, and the Hard Merchandise has extra to give, leading Paul to exclaim, “I’m a little bait monger!” in a sing songy voice. Yep. This actually finally works for the boat and they catch a fish. I know, right?

He’s just as surprised about this as the rest of us.

In the end, some tuna is brought in, weighed, sold, and there’s some high-fives all around, and then the episode ends and I finally go to bed. The end.

Disclaimer: Despite poking gentle fun at the captains and crew of this show, we actually admire them very much – not only for their hard work, but for helping Gloucester get on the map for something interesting. Please don’t slash our tires.